Veeslee Mhepo
Friendship is often described as something natural and effortless, but for many young people, it is anything but simple. Beneath the laughter, shared moments, and social media posts lies a quieter, more uncomfortable reality: friendships can be confusing, uncertain, and sometimes even painful. We carry unspoken questions: Are we really friends? Can I trust you? Do you feel the same way I do?
One of the biggest fears in friendships is betrayal. Many young people have experienced some form of it: secrets shared without permission, being talked about behind their back, or feeling abandoned when it matters most. These experiences shape how we approach new friendships. We become more guarded, slower to trust, and sometimes hesitant to fully open up. It becomes a constant balancing act between wanting connection and protecting ourselves from being hurt again.
At the same time, there is a growing desire for meaningful and beneficial friendships. As we grow, we begin to value relationships that contribute positively to our lives: friends who support our goals, respect our boundaries, and genuinely want to see us succeed.
This doesn’t mean friendships should be transactional, but they should be intentional. Not everyone we meet is meant to be in our inner circle, and learning to distinguish between surface-level connections and deeper friendships is an important part of personal growth.
Loyalty is another key but often unspoken expectation in friendships. We assume our friends will stand by us, defend us, and protect our vulnerabilities. However, because these expectations are rarely communicated, misunderstandings can arise. What feels like disloyalty to one person may not even register to another. This is where communication becomes essential, even though it can feel uncomfortable.
Boundaries also play a crucial role in maintaining healthy friendships. Many young people struggle with setting them because they fear being seen as difficult or risking losing the relationship altogether. However, without boundaries, resentment can quietly build.
Boundaries are not about pushing people away; they are about creating a safe and respectful space for both individuals.
There is also a noticeable tension between the need for connection and the desire to keep a small, trusted circle. While social pressures may encourage having many friends, real fulfilment often comes from a few genuine relationships. Choosing a smaller circle is not about isolation; it is about prioritising depth, trust, and peace over popularity.
Perhaps one of the most awkward aspects of friendship is defining it. Unlike romantic relationships, friendships rarely come with clear labels. Sometimes it’s just a “vibe”: consistent communication, mutual trust, and shared experiences. But what happens when you’re unsure? Is it okay to ask?
The answer is yes, even though it may feel uncomfortable. Starting the conversation doesn’t have to be formal or intense. It can be as simple as expressing appreciation and asking how the other person views the connection.
However, there is always the possibility that they may not feel the same way. While this can be difficult, it is also clarifying. It doesn’t diminish your worth; it simply highlights a lack of alignment.
Ultimately, friendships require intention, honesty, and sometimes difficult conversations. As young people, we are still learning how to build connections that are healthy, mutual, and supportive. It is okay to seek loyalty, set boundaries, and choose a smaller circle. What matters most is finding friendships where you are valued, respected, and genuinely seen.
